by Dennis Coates | Aug 27, 2018 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Health & Nutrition, Self-Esteem, Teen Culture, Teen Suicide
First, a new word: “esports.” Makes you think that playing video games is a legitimate sport, something like poker, which is featured on ESPN and in the sports sections of most newspapers. So, mom and dad, maybe it’s ok, right? Dozens of small...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 31, 2018 | Adolescent Brain, Parenting Books, Uncategorized
A “feral child” is one who spent a significant part of early childhood isolated from civilization, often raised by wild animals. A consistent theme of these stories is that the foundlings had no language or social skills, which are normally learned early...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 30, 2018 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Health & Nutrition, Parenting, Teen Culture, Teen Success
In my posts, “Video Game Addiction and Brain Damage” and “Teen Smartphones and Social Networking – Buyer Beware” I described potential threats to normal teen brain development. If you read these articles, you know there are serious...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 10, 2018 | Adolescence, Critical Thinking, Health & Nutrition, Self-Esteem, Teen Culture
My doctor asked me if I drink alcohol. I told her I usually have a glass of red wine with dinner and another glass later. She said, “That’s probably OK. The research says red wine has a number of health benefits. Men can drink up to two glasses of red wine...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 11, 2018 | Behavior Change, Encouragement, Parenting, Teen Success
My wife and I share a lot in common, but in one interesting way, we are quite different. She drinks a lot of water every day. Wherever she goes, she carries a bottle of filtered water. She’s always hydrated. I, on the other hand, rarely drink water. I’ve...
by Dennis Coates | May 31, 2018 | Health & Nutrition, Youth Athletics
This guest post comes from Paige Johnson, who advises on weightlifting and strength training. . . . . . . . The nutrition habits your teens develop now will impact their future health. Here are a few quick tips for instilling the values of a healthy body and mind. Let...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 25, 2018 | Behavior Change, Critical Thinking, Education, Encouragement, Personal Strength, Programs, Teen Success
In my first draft of the above title, the word “Underprivileged” appeared before “Kids.” But the game I’m talking about is chess, which can help make any kid smarter, not just at-risk kids or kids from low-income families. That’s...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 8, 2018 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Education, Fitness, Health & Nutrition, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Peer Pressure, Personal Strength, Rebellion, Self-Esteem, Teen Culture, Teen Sex, Teen Success
One of the underlying themes of my writing is that parents of teens need to be realistic. But being realistic doesn’t necessarily imply some kind of worst-case scenario. Because realistically, lots of really wonderful things can happen during adolescence. For...
by Dennis Coates | Feb 22, 2018 | Parent-child Communication, Rebellion, Strong for Parenting
Billions of human beings follow their separate paths, steps followed by steps largely unknown to the people around them – even friends and acquaintances. This limited ability to know for sure what’s happening in the lives of others in any given day —...
by Dennis Coates | Feb 19, 2018 | Adolescence, Encouragement, Parent-child Communication, Peer Pressure, Rebellion, Self-Esteem, Teen Culture, Teen Success
Remember the first day of your child’s life. He or she didn’t get to choose you – the parents – or other members of their family. And they didn’t get to choose the time in history they would enter into the world, where they would grow up, or the...
by Dennis Coates | Feb 6, 2018 | Adolescence, Behavior Change, Education, Health & Nutrition, Interviews, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Videos, Teen Sex
After puberty, every normal child will develop the ability to procreate, which includes this necessary element: sexual desire. This is a good thing for the young person and the human species; but the physical changes and new feelings aren’t easy for an adolescent to...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 24, 2018 | Adolescence, Health & Nutrition, Parenting, Peer Pressure, Teen Culture
“Every year, teens are asked about their general happiness, in addition to how they spend their time. We found that teens who spent more time seeing their friends in person, exercising, playing sports, attending religious services, reading or even doing homework...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 8, 2018 | Adolescence, Critical Thinking, Encouragement, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Self-Esteem
During the first 12 years, you may have enjoyed a close, affectionate relationship with your child. But after puberty, things change. Your child wants to put early childhood in the past, and the push for self-definition and independence begins. The older teens get,...
by Dennis Coates | Dec 12, 2017 | Parenting, Teen Culture, Teen Driving, Teen Success
Most people have heard about distracted driving but don’t really understand what’s going on. Give a teen a link to this post. It might help save his or her life. Death by the numbers… These days, fewer teenagers are getting their driver license, a...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 27, 2017 | Adolescence, Education, Health & Nutrition, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books, Teen Sex
As I write this, it seems as if the news reports a new story of high-profile sexual misconduct every day. A few days ago, a story of over 180 sexual assaults by therapists employed by the spa chain, Massage Envy. Yesterday, Matt Lauer is fired by NBC. Today, Garrison...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 14, 2017 | Adolescence, Encouragement, Inspiring Quotes, Parenting
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I love this quote. For me, this plea for compassion hits home more than any other quote on the subject. It’s often attributed to Plato, but it comes from Ian Maclaren, 19th-century Scottish...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 2, 2017 | Adolescence, Self-Esteem, Teen Success
It’s true that when you came into this world, most of your situation was beyond your control. You didn’t get to choose the time in history you would appear or the place where you would grow up. You didn’t get to choose your parents or other members of your family. You...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 30, 2017 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Mentoring, Parenting, Teen Culture, Teen Success
About the teen brain, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news. Nearly every adult I talk to these days has heard about the teen brain. Fifteen years ago, this was not the case. At the turn of the century, the fact that the prefrontal cortex (PFC)...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 4, 2017 | Parent-child Communication
The past, the present, and the future. Here are some things to keep in mind. The past doesn’t exist. Once you’ve experienced something, that moment is lost forever, except as a stored memory. Also, the images you’ve stored in memory are likely to be...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 21, 2017 | Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Interviews, Podcasts, Teen Success
I recently had a fascinating discussion about the adolescent brain with parent coach Andrea Zacharias. If you want to know more about what I do and think about every day, listen in! Learn more about Andrea’s...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 18, 2017 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Fitness, Health & Nutrition, Parent-child Communication, Peer Pressure, Self-Esteem, Teen Culture, Teen Sex, Work, Youth Athletics
What is self-esteem, anyway? Why is it important to a growing child? Why does it turn out to be a tough issue? What can parents do to nurture stronger self-esteem? Physically, I was a late-bloomer. When I was a freshman in high school, I was the shortest boy in my...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 31, 2017 | Adolescence, Education, Parent-child Communication, Peer Pressure, Self-Esteem, Teen Culture
How much wisdom did you have when you were 13? What did you know? More to the point, what insights about life – which could have helped you a lot back then – wouldn’t come until much later? I was always considered the smartest kid in my class. I took...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 25, 2017 | Adolescence, Health & Nutrition, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Programs, Teen Culture, Teen Success
Smartphones are an amazing window into a world of countless marvels and dangers. Since kids have a lot to learn, giving a child a smartphone needs to be done with exquisite care. In this guest post, Scott Reddler (father of three and author of an infographic about...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 24, 2017 | Adolescence, Health & Nutrition, Peer Pressure, Teen Culture, Teen Success
If you read my post about the mixed bag of wonders/dangers of smartphones and social networking, your eyes are wide open about pornography, cyberbullying, stranger danger, sexual predators, identity theft, and sex trafficking. And yes, social networking – an...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 21, 2017 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Videos, Peer Pressure, Teen Culture, Teen Success, Teen Suicide
Today, most phone calls are made using wireless smartphones, relayed by Wi-Fi devices in your home or distant radio towers. What we used to call telephones are now called landlines, and these are steadily disappearing. The smartphone technology that people carry in...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 17, 2017 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Teen Success
If you’ve read about the teen brain, you know it’s mostly about a child’s final stage of brain development, during which the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is wired for foundation critical thinking skills. In one respect, wiring the PFC is like every other...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 19, 2017 | Education, Guest Blog Posts, Parenting, Parenting Books, Teen Success, Work
Money matters can get complicated. Buying what you need and want while living within your means. Purchasing the right amount of insurance. Investing wisely and saving for your child’s college education. Minimizing debt and maintaining a strong credit rating....
by Dennis Coates | Jun 14, 2017 | Adolescence, Guest Blog Posts, Health & Nutrition, Parenting, Teen Culture, Teen Sex
When it comes to sex education, parents need to learn more about how our culture sexualizes their kids. This guest post, which addresses this “blind spot,” comes from Elizabeth McDade-Montez, Ph.D. a Senior Research Associate at etr.org (Education,...
by Dennis Coates | May 22, 2017 | Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Books
You see those beautiful eyes and that heart-melting smile. What you don’t see (and probably rarely think about) is your child’s brain, which is steadily growing, preparing itself for the challenges of adult life, and will continue to do so until your child...
by Dennis Coates | May 15, 2017 | Encouragement, Parenting, Personal Strength
We were excited. Bewick’s wrens had been building a nest in the little house we had put up to attract them. We watched for days as the male and female flew back and forth with nest material. It was a great location, and this would be our first nest here in the...
by Dennis Coates | May 11, 2017 | Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Books, Parenting Videos, Programs, Self-Esteem, Strong for Parenting, Work
When I was a kid there were no parenting books, unless you want to count Dr. Benjamin Spock’s classic on baby and child care. Parents were guided by their instincts, sense of responsibility, judgment, and family traditions. Today, parents still rely on these,...
by Dennis Coates | May 10, 2017 | Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Education, Fitness, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Personal Strength, Self-Esteem, Work
Parenting Fundamentals 1-5 were presented in Part One. Here are 6-10: 6. Help your child build a strong work ethic. When I was 15 I mowed my aunt’s lawn with a borrowed motorless reel push mower in the middle of a Kansas summer. Whew! She was so impressed with...
by Dennis Coates | May 8, 2017 | Education, Health & Nutrition, Parenting, Parenting Books, Self-Esteem, Teen Success, Work, Youth Athletics
I’ve been researching, studying, and writing about parenting for several years now, and the other day I was taken by surprise by something new. Adulting I had never heard the term before. I discovered that it’s used by young adults to mean learning to do things adults...
by Dennis Coates | May 4, 2017 | Adolescent Brain, Education, Fitness, Health & Nutrition, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books, Teen Success
A few years ago I wrote a book for middle school boys, called Conversations with the Wise Uncle. I then wrote a similar book for young girls. My purpose was to model some of the key conversations young people need to guide them along their journey to being adults....
by Dennis Coates | Apr 22, 2017 | Adolescence, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books, Teen Culture, Teen Sex, Teen Success
In the adult world, dating is like an audition. An acquaintance asks you out to dinner or an event, which will give you time together to learn more about each other. Will you enjoy each other’s company? Will you have shared values and common ground? Will you...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 4, 2017 | Critical Thinking, Education, Encouragement, Fitness, Health & Nutrition, Programs, Teen Success
I know that not everyone wants to “be all you can be.” Not everyone is serious enough about personal growth to do something about it. A whole lot of people are happy with who they are, thank you very much, and wake up to each new day content to consume...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 29, 2017 | Adolescence, Alcohol, Drugs, Education, Encouragement, Parenting, Self-Esteem, Teen Culture, Teen Sex, Teen Suicide, Work
Why would a teenager do something as stupid as engaging in one of the teen challenges? Such as binge-drinking, or swallowing a spoonful of cinnamon, or snorting a condom. Quite a few kids have ended up in the hospital and a few have died. Part of the answer is they...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 27, 2017 | Adolescence, Education, Health & Nutrition, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books, Peer Pressure, Teen Culture, Teen Sex
One evening when I was 14, I was sitting on my bed reading a novel when my mom walked past my door. Then she came back, stood in the door, and asked me, “You know about sex, don’t you?” Her question took me by surprise. I answered, “Uh,...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 8, 2017 | Inspiring Quotes, Parent-child Communication, Personal Strength, Teen Success
Once upon a time when my youngest boy was about 18 years old, we were walking together and he asked me, “Dad, what does masculinity mean to you?” A loaded question. I sensed that he was aware that he was growing into manhood but was unsure what it meant to...
by Dennis Coates | Feb 27, 2017 | Drugs, Education, Fitness, Health & Nutrition, Teen Success
How could viewing over 25 paintings by early San Antonio artist Julian Onderdonk make me think of video game addiction? It happened. The San Antonio Museum of Art recently featured the collection of Onderdonk, an American impressionist painter who died in 1922 at the...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 26, 2017 | Adolescence, Alcohol, Drugs, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Teen Culture
The surveys and statistics bear it out: teens are misusing drugs and alcohol at younger and younger ages. Parents are often unaware that it’s begun, since the warning signs can take time to appear. The physical, emotional and behavioral changes come on gradually. Now...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 24, 2017 | Adolescence, Behavior Change, Education, Parenting Books, Teen Culture, Teen Suicide
Disconnected, a new book by Thomas Kersting, documents the horrible effects of excessive screen time on children. One of the most insidious technologies is video games, because of its ability to quickly addict the gamer. Here are a few shocking stories excerpted from...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 2, 2017 | Parenting, Parenting Videos, Work
Simon Sinek is an author and brilliant speaker who has important messages for corporate America. So why am I recommending that parents listen in? The answer: Millennials – a new, really different generation of entry-level workers that employers aren’t sure...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 2, 2017 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Parenting
If you read news articles, you know that it’s not uncommon to read about murder. I learn about such incidents all too often; I reflect on the loss of life, how the killer’s life will be horribly changed forever, and whether the tragic event could have been...
by Dennis Coates | Dec 22, 2016 | Adolescent Brain, Teen Success, Work
I stood under the front entrance canopy of the H.E.B. grocery store as I watched cold rain pouring onto the parking lot. Slowly moving toward me was a young woman pushing a train of about fifteen shopping carts. Her head was down as she leaned into the carts,...
by Dennis Coates | Dec 13, 2016 | Adolescent Brain, Education, Health & Nutrition, Parenting, Peer Pressure, Teen Culture
I recently spoke with a mother of three boys, ages 11, 13 and 15. She told me she and her husband plan to give all three sons video game consoles for Christmas. Of course, they’ll win a lot of “best mom and dad” points with these gifts. She and the father...
by Dennis Coates | Dec 9, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Guest Blog Posts
Doctors routinely warn women to avoid smoking and using alcohol or drugs during pregnancy. Why? Because the unborn child’s body and brain are slowly developing, and the mother’s blood provides materials to the placenta, which nurtures the growing fetus. If the mother...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 28, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Behavior Change, Critical Thinking, Education, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Programs, Strong for Parenting, Teen Success
So much of what I write about has to do with adolescent kids and how parents can take maximum advantage of this precious time. Along the way I’ve come to appreciate the huge advantage parents can gain if they prepare for adolescence before puberty arrives. A...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 2, 2016 | Adolescence, Guest Blog Posts, Parenting, Peer Pressure, Self-Esteem, Teen Culture
This guest post comes from Mercedes Samudio, LCSW, a parent coach who helps parents achieve dynamic parent/child relationships, ending the shame around parenting and giving parents the confidence to raise healthy children in today’s world. She is a leading parenting...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 1, 2016 | Adolescence, Inspiring Quotes, Parent-child Communication, Rebellion, Self-Esteem, Strong for Parenting
I learned to never disagree with my dad. For reasons I’ve never fully understood, the few times that I expressed a contrary point of view — when I was old enough to feel confident that I had something to say — he physically attacked me. He never hurt me, because I was...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 22, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Education, Parenting, Parenting Books, Rebellion, Teen Culture, Teen Success, Work
Since the 1990’s, when Dr. Jay Giedd and his colleagues at the National Institute for Mental Health published their pioneering research about adolescent brain development, more than a dozen authors with different backgrounds have written about “the teen brain.” For...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 18, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Education, Mentoring, Teen Success, Work
It was the summer of 1960, and I was 15. Elvis’ active duty service in the Army was behind him, and John Kennedy was running for President. My father, a chief warrant officer in the Army, had been reassigned to Germany and our family would follow six months later when...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 7, 2016 | Adolescence, Drugs, Guest Blog Posts, Health & Nutrition, Parent-child Communication, Parenting
When teens abuse any kind of drug – legal or illegal, prescription or OTC – it can disrupt ongoing brain development in the prefrontal cortex, with lifelong consequences. This guest post comes from Blaise Brooks, a mother of one, caregiver of two and a...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 28, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Education, Encouragement, Parenting, Teen Culture, Teen Success
In a separate post, I quoted Dr. Jay Giedd, the pioneering brain researcher who discovered that the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is still under development during a child’s adolescence, that this is the “smart” area of the brain, and that wiring the PFC...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 26, 2016 | Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Drugs, Education, Teen Success
For readers who are unfamiliar with Dr. Jay Giedd’s work, he entered the Residency Program at the Menninger School of Psychiatry, transferred to the Barrow Neurological Institute and completed his residency in psychiatry in 1989. He was a postgraduate fellow in...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 23, 2016 | Adolescence, Education, Encouragement, Guest Blog Posts, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Books, Self-Esteem
The second 10 years of a child’s life is their last opportunity to prepare for the challenges of adult life. This guest post was written by Elisabeth Stitt, a parenting expert who focuses on middle school adolescent children. She is the author of Parenting as a...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 7, 2016 | Parenting
Remember the plane that crash-landed in the Hudson River in 2009? And the heroism of the pilot who kept his cool, saving everyone on board? In 2016 Clint Eastwood has created a thought-provoking movie about this real-life hero, who was later investigated and...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 31, 2016 | Guest Blog Posts, Parent-child Communication
Abraham J. Weiss, MA. is a marriage and family therapist on the staff of Family Enhancement LLC, in New York City. In this brief article, he shares a vastly important insight about the true nature of children. There is a profound difference between the way children...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 24, 2016 | Parent-child Communication
My wife and I often go to Corpus Christi to visit her sister and husband. Since their son now has a young daughter and their oldest daughter has two daughters and a son, they’ve been thrilled to be grandparents. There’s a lot of love going on there. Love...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 20, 2016 | Critical Thinking, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Books, Parenting Videos
As a parent, you have four ways of taking action… You do what other people tell you to do. Husband. Friend. Relative. Your TV. You react instinctively, emotionally. You unconsciously act out of habit. Your brain is wired for a particular behavior pattern. You...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 15, 2016 | Adolescent Brain, Education, Work
When your child gets involved in an activity, it will probably involve learning certain skills. Home/life skills? Relationship skills? Athletic? Musical? Artistic? Mechanical? Construction? Academic? Thinking? Managing? If some of the skills your child has to learn...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 8, 2016 | Adolescence, Critical Thinking, Encouragement, Inspiring Quotes, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Personal Strength, Programs, Teen Success
Epictetus (c. 55 – 135) was born a slave in Turkey nearly 2,000 years ago and then lived in Rome until he was banished to Greece. He was one of the Stoic philosophers. Epictetus taught that philosophy had to be more than theoretical; it had to be the way you lived...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 28, 2016 | Adolescent Brain, Education, Fitness, Teen Success, Youth Athletics
Kids learn better when movement and exercise are a part of their day. This guest post comes to us from Lizzy Bullock, writer and swim instructor for AquaGear. Children in a school setting are often told to “stop fidgeting,” to “sit still,” and...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 25, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Education, Mentoring, Parenting, Parenting Books, Peer Pressure, Teen Culture, Teen Success
I have a 15-year-old nephew. The last time I saw him he was doing what most kids his age are doing: sitting on a couch browsing his smartphone. At the time I was thinking that a lot of unused brain cell connections were in the process of being “pruned”...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 18, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Programs, Teen Success
I’ve written extensively about the development of the prefrontal cortex (PFC) during adolescence. At puberty, a child’s PFC undergoes a “second blooming,” which begins a roughly 12-year period of development. During this period (adolescence)...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 13, 2016 | Guest Blog Posts, Parenting, Personal Strength, Uncategorized
This guest post comes from parent coach Fern Weis. After teaching middle school for 13 years, she trained as a life coach and founded her business, Your Family Matters, in 2008. Since then she’s been teaching and supporting parents on the parent-teen relationship....
by Dennis Coates | Jun 17, 2016 | Behavior Change, Encouragement, Inspiring Quotes, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Personal Strength, Self-Esteem, Teen Success
The place to start is to get clear about what resilience is. Here’s a non-scientific definition: The ability to recover or “bounce back” from loss, stress, or disappointment – setbacks that can cause someone to doubt his or her self-confidence and self-esteem, reduce...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 15, 2016 | Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Books, Podcasts
“Raising a child to be a successful, happy, independent adult is the hardest thing a person can do.” I have often repeated this cliché. Because it’s true. Unlike previous generations, parents today don’t have the same “village” of...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 10, 2016 | Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books
Mindful – an often-used word. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it means “aware of something that may be important.” Aware – feel or experience something Something that may be important. One of the most important things you can be...
by Dennis Coates | May 31, 2016 | Adolescence, Education, Personal Strength, Self-Esteem, Teen Success, Work
Out of love, many parents hover over their kids to protect them from distress or harm, to make sure they feel good about themselves and to assure they are launched on a path to success when they leave home. The all-too-frequent result: young adults who lack...
by Dennis Coates | May 24, 2016 | Adolescence, Drugs, Education, Guest Blog Posts, Health & Nutrition, Teen Culture
The idea that your child could be abusing alcohol or illegal drugs is scary enough. In fact, you also need to be aware that he or she could be abusing the over-the-counter medications in your home – a very real concern for parents of adolescents. This guest post...
by Dennis Coates | May 17, 2016 | Adolescence, Education, Parenting, Parenting Books, Self-Esteem, Teen Success, Work
How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success (Holt, 2015), by Julie Lythcott-Haims, is the best book ever written about the kind of overparenting that has produced the struggling young adults of the Millennial...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 26, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Education, Encouragement, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books, Teen Culture, Teen Success
I’ve posted before about the importance of critical thinking and the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a young person to lay down a foundation of critical thinking skills in the developing prefrontal cortex – what I often refer to as “the smart...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 20, 2016 | Adolescence, Parenting, Teen Success
On the occasion of my 50th class reunion, I remembered some of my West Point classmates. One in particular, I’ll call him Joseph (Joey) Sheed, graduated at the top of our class. As a freshman, I was in awe of him. We attended several classes together, and he...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 6, 2016 | Behavior Change, Parent-child Communication, Personal Strength, Programs, Self-Esteem, Teen Success
When you were in high school, did you take that Parent-Child Relationship Skills course? I’m sorry – trick question. No such course has ever been included in a high school curriculum. Well, how about college? No? Any other course in your church or...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 30, 2016 | Adolescence, Inspiring Quotes, Parenting, Parenting Books, Parenting Videos, Teen Success, Work
Do you have a teenager who sometimes looks to the future and wonders how he or she is going to make it in the world? If you do, count your blessings. Most kids don’t start thinking about this until after they leave home. When I was teaching at the College of...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 28, 2016 | Parenting, Parenting Books, Personal Strength, Self-Esteem, Teen Success, Work
A friend of mine grew up in a family of 12 children. Her mom spent most of her day managing the office of her father, a successful lawyer, and politician. To manage both the office and her large family, her mother assigned tasks to each of the kids, according to their...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 20, 2016 | Adolescence, Inspiring Quotes, Parenting, Parenting Books
I was fortunate to have two parents while growing up: a father and a mother who loved me. They were good people. They did everything they knew how to take care of a household of eight kids. But to be honest, they didn’t raise me with a clearly envisioned outcome in...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 15, 2016 | Parenting, Podcasts
Parenting author and coach Elisabeth Stitt hosted a series of 20 conversations with men who have focused on helping other men to be great fathers. What they have to say is worth listening to! Here’s the complete list of contributors, with links to their...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 14, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Parent-child Communication, Parenting
Dad lets his son borrow the car. “Be sure to have it back by six. I’ve got an important place to be tonight.” “No problem, Dad.” Six o’clock comes and goes. With no sign of his son, he makes the call. “Where are you? I said I...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 11, 2016 | Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Uncategorized
What every parent knows: unconditional love is the foundation. But child misbehavior can temporarily make it hard to access this love, much less express it. In its place, your instinctive negative reaction: frustration, fatigue, disappointment, discouragement, hurt,...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 7, 2016 | Behavior Change, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Books
Reading Parenting…As a Second Language is like chatting with a wise, compassionate woman who’s experienced every aspect of being a parent. It’s more like a conversation than listening to simple advice. The author, Elisabeth Stitt, happens to be one...
by Dennis Coates | Mar 3, 2016 | Adolescence, Education, Mentoring, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Personal Strength, Programs, Strong for Parenting, Teen Success
In his classic parenting book, The Wonder of Boys, psychologist Michael Gurian claims that “three families – not one” are needed to raise a healthy child to be a happy, successful adult. The first family is the “nuclear family”—the parents and grandparents who raise...
by Dennis Coates | Feb 26, 2016 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Education, Encouragement, Mentoring, Parenting, Parenting Books, Teen Success
During the first few months of life, parents show lots of colorful, noise-making objects to their infant. Slowly, the baby learns to pay attention. The child is doing the work to program the neural pathways for sight. During the first year of life, parents guide and...
by Dennis Coates | Feb 18, 2016 | Parenting, Personal Strength, Work
One of the cries of the heart from many of the parents of grown children is that their kids are still living at home, that they don’t have the focus and will to make their way in life. Parents know that making a life for yourself involves hard work. But the kids...
by Dennis Coates | Feb 15, 2016 | Adolescence, Behavior Change, Guest Blog Posts, Parenting, Self-Esteem
This guest post is authored by Kristine Tye, M.A. MFT, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California who specializes in anxiety treatment and teen mental health. She engages teens in a therapeutic process that builds self-awareness and develops tools for...
by Dennis Coates | Feb 5, 2016 | Parenting, Personal Strength, Strong for Parenting
Being an effective parent, guiding your child toward becoming a capable, happy, independent adult…this is now a part of your life. And life isn’t easy, not for anyone. For all of us – the challenges, disappointments, pain, and loss are inevitable. We...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 29, 2016 | Adolescence, Mentoring, Parent-child Communication, Personal Strength, Programs, Strong for Parenting, Teen Success
Adults care a great deal about the youth in their communities. They want fewer kids to be at risk. They want more kids growing up to be strong, happy, successful adults. They’re willing to be mentors to young people. And it’s important that they do because it...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 26, 2016 | Inspiring Quotes, Parenting, Strong for Parenting
Wayne Dyer, a prolific personal development author, died from a heart attack last year at the age of 75. I’d been a huge fan for over 20 years, beginning with his classic best-seller, Your Erroneous Zones (1993) and including many other books. I always had the...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 22, 2016 | Adolescence, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Self-Esteem, Work
This guest post comes from parent coach Fern Weis. After teaching middle school for 13 years, she trained as a life coach and founded her business, Your Family Matters, in 2008. Since then she’s been teaching and supporting parents on the parent-teen...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 22, 2016 | Behavior Change, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Strong for Parenting
Conscious, caring parents often realize they can get better results by trying more effective approaches. But it’s not that simple. Inevitably, most people get discouraged when they try to improve a skill or change a behavior pattern. Once they find out that what...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 18, 2016 | Fitness, Health & Nutrition, Parenting, Self-Esteem, Youth Athletics
What informs my insights about parenting? Often it’s what I read in the local paper. One morning not longer ago I read two stories about youth coaches in the San Antonio Express-News. Here in Texas, there was a scandal due to “Friday Night Tykes,” an...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 18, 2016 | Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Books
Deborah Gilboa, MD, is a family physician practicing in Pittsburgh, PA, author of four parenting books, featured parenting expert on television and Huffington Post, speaker, and mother of four boys. She advises parents on every conceivable issue, and her...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 11, 2016 | Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Parenting, Parenting Videos, Personal Strength, Strong for Parenting
I recently streamed the movie, About Sunny, starring Lauren Ambrose, an accomplished but relatively unknown young actress. Whenever a movie is excellent in every way and I want Netflix to give me more suggestions like it, I always rate it 5 stars. Released in 2013,...
by Dennis Coates | Jan 11, 2016 | Adolescence, Education, Inspiring Quotes, Parenting, Work
I often mention that teenagers have a “full plate.” The demands on their time can be stress-producing, even overwhelming. Part of the reason for this is that to arrive at adulthood, prepared for the challenges they’ll face, they have a lot to learn....
by Dennis Coates | Jan 1, 2016 | Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Parenting Books, Teen Success
I’m pretty good at keeping my composure, and it got tested recently at the grocery store. I pushed my cart into a checkout stall where a woman was completing her purchase. She had checked everything through and all her groceries were bagged and in her basket....
by Dennis Coates | Dec 11, 2015 | Parent-child Communication
When was the last time you were at odds with your teen? Your child wanted to do something that you considered unacceptable. You both felt justified, producing an argument or struggle that had the potential to damage your relationship. Most conflicts can be resolved in...
by Dennis Coates | Dec 11, 2015 | Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Books, Parenting Videos, Strong for Parenting
This guest post comes from Deborah Gilboa, MD (popularly known as Dr. G), an internationally renowned parenting and youth development expert. She is also a family physician and mom of four boys. Dr G., founder of AskDoctorG.com, is the go-to expert on raising and...
by Dennis Coates | Dec 7, 2015 | Adolescence, Parenting
The father lets his son borrow the car. “Be sure to have it back by six. I’ll need it later tonight.” “No problem, Dad.” Six o’clock comes and goes. With no sign of his son, he makes the call. “Where are you? I said I needed...
by Dennis Coates | Dec 7, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Rebellion, Self-Esteem, Teen Culture, Teen Sex, Teen Success, Teen Suicide
Most of the 50 million parents of school-aged children in the U.S. are all too aware of the gauntlet of dangers that threaten when a child becomes an adolescent: under-age smoking and drinking; drug abuse and addiction; low self-esteem and peer pressure; self-harm and...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 30, 2015 | Adolescence, Alcohol, Drugs, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Teen Culture, Teen Suicide
When they’re little you read to them, hoping they’ll learn to love books and reading and learning. Before you know it they’re in school, beginning a learning journey that will teach them about the world. And in half a dozen years, puberty begins the...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 30, 2015 | Parent-child Communication, Parenting Videos, Podcasts, Strong for Parenting
My dad wasn’t a good listener, and my mom wasn’t much better. But I have no bad feelings about this. It was just an aspect of how things were back then. In 1960, only a few people on the planet realized that listening was crucial to a parent-child...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 16, 2015 | Adolescence, Critical Thinking, Parent-child Communication, Strong for Parenting
Teenagers know they’re growing up, and they don’t like being treated like little kids. They need the wisdom and guidance of parents and other adults. But they hate lectures, sarcasm, put-downs, screaming, commands, threats, ultimatums, shaming, judging,...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 16, 2015 | Adolescence, Education, Encouragement, Parenting, Parenting Books, Teen Success
What will the next step be? College? A job? Technical training? A gap year? Missionary work? Military service? Marriage and a family? Every parent who has raised a teenager to this threshold is concerned that the child will be able to handle the challenges and...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 8, 2015 | Encouragement, Parenting
I was thinking about my mother recently. A few months before she died, Mom and I were talking on the phone about my seven brothers and sisters. I joked that she had so many kids because she loved taking care of babies. After one child left the infant stage, she would...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 8, 2015 | Adolescence, Guest Blog Posts, Parenting
This guest post comes from Elisabeth Stitt of Joyful Parenting Coaching. A veteran teacher turned parenting coach and blogger, she knows that kids and families come in all different shapes and sizes and that there is a long and varied list of parenting practices that...
by Dennis Coates | Nov 2, 2015 | Adolescence, Critical Thinking, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books, Teen Success
For the past several years my wife, Kathleen Scott, has contributed dozens of articles to the San Antonio Express-News travel and lifestyle sections. She has also been working on the third draft of a mystery novel. I think it’s remarkable that she made a...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 26, 2015 | Adolescence, Critical Thinking, Education, Inspiring Quotes, Parenting, Personal Strength, Teen Success
Forty years ago, I was in graduate school at Duke University, in over my head, studying hard and learning as much as I could to catch up with my better-prepared classmates. It paid off – I earned my Ph.D. four years later. It was the most intense period of...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 26, 2015 | Adolescence, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books
To be the best listener you can be, I believe you need two, closely related skills: active listening and empathy. I learned active listening in 1976, and I’ve been practicing it and writing about it ever since. The core skill in active listening is to check what...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 19, 2015 | Adolescence, Parenting, Teen Success
As we prepared to go the gym for our morning workout, my wife discovered that she had misplaced her car keys. We searched for ten minutes and finally found them in the car, still in the ignition. Unfortunately, the battery was dead because she was listening to the...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 19, 2015 | Adolescence, Inspiring Quotes, Parenting, Strong for Parenting, Teen Success
It’s been said many, many times that parenting a teenager may be the hardest thing you ever do. It can sometimes seem like a thankless, hopeless endeavor. You have your dream – to help your child grow up to be a strong, independent, happy, successful...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 12, 2015 | Adolescence, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Strong for Parenting
You may have heard it said that “Few people are good listeners.” While this may ring true, I know you’d like to be a better listener for your teen. The benefits to your relationship are enormous. What you find out! The amazing way it strengthens the...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 12, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Education, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Books, Teen Success
These days, parents hear a lot about the “teen brain” in the popular media. The message is that the “prefrontal cortex” (PFC), the area of the brain in charge of controlling impulses, is still under construction – that this a big reason...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 5, 2015 | Adolescence, Critical Thinking, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Teen Success
In another article, I made the point that to prepare for the significant challenges of adult life, a child has to learn a lot more than is taught in school. Among other things, wisdom. When I grew up, I was fairly smart in school, making straight A’s every...
by Dennis Coates | Oct 5, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Peer Pressure, Rebellion, Self-Esteem, Strong for Parenting, Teen Culture
In this piece, I reference an interesting video. Even though you may find it shocking, watch it all the way through. Don’t click off just because you think it’s disgusting. The clips were recorded by the teens themselves. There are thousands of videos like...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 28, 2015 | Behavior Change, Encouragement, Parent-child Communication, Parenting
Compliments. Praise. Recognition. Affirmation. Gratitude. Appreciation. Positive feedback. Positive strokes. Pats on the back. Constructive feedback. Good stuff! Unfortunately, most of the feedback we give our kids is negative. You know – CRITICISM. When...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 28, 2015 | Adolescence, Critical Thinking, Education, Health & Nutrition, Parenting, Personal Strength, Teen Culture, Teen Success, Work, Youth Athletics
Studying well in school is important. Those 12 years – and university – are important. But along the way, a young person needs to learn many non-academic skills and strengths that are vital for relationships and a career. While some of this can be acquired...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 21, 2015 | Education, Parenting, Parenting Books
Did you read my review of Reset Your Child’s Brain (2015), by Victoria Dunckley? Dunckley is a psychiatrist who has treated hundreds of young people who suffered from behavior disorders caused by excessive screen time (video games, cell phones, tablets, TV,...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 21, 2015 | Mentoring, Parenting, Parenting Books, Strong for Parenting
If you’ve never gone to war or if you’ve never had to stay behind when your spouse is deployed, you can never fully appreciate the worry, loneliness and hardship of trying to raise a family not knowing if or when the family will be together again. Or how...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 14, 2015 | Guest Blog Posts, Parent-child Communication, Parenting
Thanks to Maureen Denard at FindaNanny.net for this guest post. The adolescent years can stress a parent-child relationship. This article has several practical ideas for helping the bond to grow stronger. In a world where there never seems to be enough time to get...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 14, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Parenting, Parenting Books, Teen Success
One of the most important aspects of adolescent development is what experts refer to as the “teen brain.” And the big issue with the teen brain is the development of the prefrontal cortex (PFC). The question is, how exactly does this much-talked-about PFC...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 8, 2015 | Adolescence, Drugs, Parent-child Communication, Peer Pressure, Self-Esteem, Strong for Parenting
A teenager made a dumb mistake and damaged a tool. His father, angry, shouted at him about carelessness and irresponsibility. No love, understanding or respect was communicated in the heated interchange. The boy felt like a failure and resented his father for putting...
by Dennis Coates | Sep 8, 2015 | Adolescence, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Podcasts
Meredith Bell and I conducted a live teleseminar for parents, “Three Coaching Skills for Parents That Will Transform Your Relationship with Your Teenager.” We focused on what we believe are the three most powerful communication skills among the seven...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 31, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books
In my ebook, The Race Against Time, I describe as simply as possible something of utmost importance: the part of the brain that makes a human being smart – the prefrontal cortex (PFC) – is in the final stages of development during adolescence. It’s a...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 23, 2015 | Education, Parenting, Self-Esteem, Work
During the past 30 years, I’ve had the chance to meet and talk with quite a few sons and daughters of wealthy people. It isn’t easy to start a business and make it profitable. The parents of these kids worked hard to earn what they have. In my experience,...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 23, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Education, Personal Strength, Strong for Parenting, Teen Success, Work
A few years ago I spent an afternoon with friends at a church-sponsored picnic. The conversations I had with two different 22-year-old young men left me wondering. Shane seemed like a loner in this crowd. He didn’t relate to the younger kids, and he seemed...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 23, 2015 | Guest Blog Posts, Parent-child Communication, Self-Esteem
Special guest post by Winter Amity, freelance writer on technology and parenting topics. These days, children are exposed to a huge variety of media, and parents can get understandably upset about the kind of information they’re taking in. With mobile phones, tablets,...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 16, 2015 | Encouragement, Parent-child Communication, Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is how people see themselves – their perception of self-worth, who they believe they are. Low self-esteem can build from making mistakes, from not forgiving oneself, and from too much criticism from authority figures such as parents, elders,...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 16, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Parenting, Parenting Books
IF (1) you have an adolescent child or one who is soon to reach puberty, and (2) you’re a conscious parent who is looking for wisdom and guidance to avoid the potential crises of adolescence while preparing your child to be a happy, successful adult, then...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 11, 2015 | Adolescence, Personal Strength, Teen Success, Work
I’m recalling a moderately adverse experience that started with a phone call. My wife was about to return home from a shopping excursion at a mall about 30 miles away when her car wouldn’t start. She asked me to drive to the mall to give her a jump-start...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 11, 2015 | Guest Blog Posts, Parenting, Self-Esteem, Teen Success, Work
Guest post by Kari Kampakis, author of 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know. When I became a mom, I got lots of advice on how to love my child. But not until a few years ago did someone actually point out that loving a child means wanting what’s best for them...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 6, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Behavior Change, Critical Thinking, Parent-child Communication, Parenting
Kids can learn a lot from experience. But that doesn’t mean they will, just because something happened to them. Most of the time young people go from one life event to another without learning a thing. The same thing is true of adults! What makes the difference?...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 4, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Drugs, Education, Parenting Books, Teen Culture, Teen Success
One crucial step in helping your adolescent child build a superior mind is to protect the prefrontal cortex (PFC) from damage during adolescence – the developmental period for wiring the foundation for critical thinking. To this end, I’ve written a number...
by Dennis Coates | Aug 3, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Parenting, Teen Culture, Teen Suicide
In 2014 a huge tornado devastated a small town in Oklahoma, killing 24 people. Stories and images of the destruction were all over the Internet, the newspapers and television news. The coverage reminded me of when in early June, 1966, I walked among the ruins in...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 24, 2015 | Adolescence, Parent-child Communication
Listening is the most powerful skill a parent can have. It has the potential to “change the game” with regard to your relationship with your child. In my writing about this skill, I refer to it as “listening to understand,” a phrase I borrowed...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 24, 2015 | Behavior Change, Education, Mentoring, Parenting, Parenting Videos, Teen Success
It was one of the coolest weddings I’ve ever attended, the reception turned into a lively celebration, I was doing the kind of dancing I do only after I’ve had way too many drinks, and my friend and I were catching our breath. We were talking about his...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 16, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Books
Two of the best parenting books I’ve ever read are The Wonder of Boys (1997) and The Wonder of Girls (2002), both by Michael Gurian. You can check my reviews in Favorite Books. They’re unique because they focus on the developing biology, hormonal system,...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 16, 2015 | Encouragement, Inspiring Quotes, Parenting, Parenting Videos, Personal Strength, Strong for Parenting
Are you a parent or grandparent? Do you work with kids? Then you have first-hand experience with the countless challenges, problems, issues, mistakes and failures that are always a part of helping a young person grow up to be a happy, successful adult. It’s...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 13, 2015 | Education, Mentoring, Parenting, Parenting Books, Teen Success
The thing I appreciate most about Michael Gurian’s parenting books is their focus on brain science. I’ve studied the human brain for 25 years, and I can tell you that no parenting author writes with more clarity, authority, and accessibility than Michael Gurian. His...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 12, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Education, Mentoring, Parenting Books, Teen Success
Two decades ago, Michael Gurian’s best-selling book, The Wonder of Boys, created a stir. The push for women’s rights assumed the developmental needs of both genders were the same. Going against this assumption, he made a convincing case that while boys and...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 8, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Parenting Videos, Programs
FASD stands for fetal alcohol spectrum disorder: a variety of permanent birth defects caused by the mother’s consumption of alcohol during pregnancy. The mother consumes alcohol, the substance travels to the womb, where it can disrupt normal development of the...
by Dennis Coates | Jul 3, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking
Often when I write about adolescence, I make reference to a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. To help you appreciate where that part of the brain is and what it does, I’ll give you a quick guided tour of your brain. I’ll do my best here, even...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 25, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Education, Parenting
I accidentally help wire my boys’ teen brain for critical thinking. It was Christmas 1982, and like all parents at the time, I knew nothing about the teen brain. But I didn’t think twice about what to give them for Christmas. It just seemed like a great...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 25, 2015 | Adolescence, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Books
Between Parent & Teenager (1967), by Dr. Haim G. Ginott, was published before many of today’s parents of teenagers were born. Ginott, who has been dead for forty years, was a well-known child psychologist and parent educator. His insight was to encourage...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 24, 2015 | Adolescence, Parenting, Self-Esteem, Work
Helicopter parenting has been the focus of quite a few articles in the media. Parents over-praising their kids because they feel it promotes self-esteem, even though in the long run it creates adults who are afraid to fail and so play it safe. Parents intervening to...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 24, 2015 | Alcohol, Drugs, Personal Strength, Rebellion, Self-Esteem, Teen Success
Whenever I think about positive self-esteem and its importance to the achievement, mental health, and happiness of young people, I think of how perilous a life journey can be. And I always think of Jason. Jason was the second child in a large Catholic family. His...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 14, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books, Teen Success
Every time a teenager tries to figure out why something happened, tries to understand the relationship between thing A and thing B, tries to see the connection between cause and effect, foresees possible consequences, evaluates options, solves problems and consciously...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 13, 2015 | Health & Nutrition, Parenting
Hey, moms and dads! What are you feeding the kiddos for breakfast? Their favorite cereal? So easy! So many choices – both sides of an entire aisle at the grocery store. And nutritious! Wait a minute. Not so fast. Before you let your children eat any more of this...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 12, 2015 | Parenting, Parenting Books
Published seven years after his classic business book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People (1990), this book is a classic in its own right. Its underlying premise is that the behavior patterns that make people successful in business are fundamental; they make...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 11, 2015 | Adolescence, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Parenting, Parenting Videos, Personal Strength
Have you seen the movie, “Lonesome Jim” (2005)? Starring Casey Affleck and Liv Tyler, it’s the story of a man in his late twenties who, after failing to create a life for himself in New York City, returns home to live with his parents while he...
by Dennis Coates | Jun 10, 2015 | Adolescence, Behavior Change, Inspiring Quotes, Personal Strength, Work
I once coached a 43-year-old man who lived at home and had never worked a day in his life. At the time, interest rates had fallen to all-time lows, so the annual interest on his trust fund principal had diminished considerably. To continue living in the style to which...
by Dennis Coates | May 28, 2015 | Adolescence, Alcohol, Drugs, Education, Encouragement, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Books, Teen Success
I’ve written two books, Conversations with the Wise Uncle (for boys) and Conversations with the Wise Aunt (for girls) that are fictional accounts about an older relative mentoring a young person during the teen years to give the child a “heads up”...
by Dennis Coates | May 27, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Behavior Change, Critical Thinking, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Podcasts
I was once a West Point graduate who served twenty years and retired as a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Army. After that I became an expert in adult learning, focusing on how skills and knowledge are created in the brain. But then what happened? Why am I now so...
by Dennis Coates | May 26, 2015 | Parenting, Parenting Books, Teen Success
Recently I had an interesting conversation with an IT executive about his technical staff, and we ended up talking about “millennials,” the generation of adults currently in their twenties and early thirties. He said their narcissism, lack of resilience,...
by Dennis Coates | May 25, 2015 | Adolescence, Parenting, Teen Success
When Leo was growing up, his father rented a farm and worked it to raise crops. His dad needed his son’s help, so he taught the boy how to use tools and farm equipment. When he was fifteen his father died, and to care for his mother Leo had to take over working the...
by Dennis Coates | May 20, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Critical Thinking, Drugs, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Teen Culture, Youth Athletics
Drinking alcohol with the expressed purpose of getting “messed up”? Believe it or not, this is an activity practiced mostly by kids. Watch this brief video… What can a parent do? 1. Download the free ebook, The Race Against Time and inform your child...
by Dennis Coates | May 19, 2015 | Adolescence, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books, Rebellion, Teen Culture
A few years ago my wife and I were doing some recreational house-hunting. While viewing a beautiful home, she commented, “I like this house but we’d need to replace all the tile floors.” I thought the tile was nice. After mentally estimating the cost...
by Dennis Coates | May 19, 2015 | Inspiring Quotes, Parenting, Parenting Books, Self-Esteem
In another post, I wrote about a terrific parenting book called CDO Chief Daddy Officer: The Business of Fatherhood, by Chris Efessiou. A highly successful business leader and father, he made a strong case that many of the fundamentals of effective leadership also...
by Dennis Coates | May 18, 2015 | Encouragement, Parenting, Personal Strength
My dad was a really nice guy. But I remember that when I was a teenager, he lost his temper with me three times. Yes, exactly three times. And the sad thing is that half a century later I still remember each incident in detail. In my mind, his reactions were overblown...
by Dennis Coates | May 18, 2015 | Critical Thinking, Education, Podcasts
When young people turn 18 and graduate from high school, parents often expect them to start doing adult things. Go to college. Join the service. Get your own place. Get a steady job. Get married. Have kids. Even the law grants them new “adult” privileges....
by Dennis Coates | May 17, 2015 | Parenting, Parenting Books
My preference is to think of spirituality as being grounded in this world and this life, not in a concept of a world and life beyond the here and now. And it has three dimensions: the spirituality of self, the spirituality of relationships, and the spirituality of my...
by Dennis Coates | May 15, 2015 | Adolescence, Behavior Change, Parent-child Communication
Father: “Hey, son. I thought I asked you to clean and put away the tools after you use them.” Son: “Oh. Right.” Father: “Well, the tools you used last night are still on the bench. Why didn’t you put them away?” Son: “I don’t know. I guess I forgot.” Father: “I told...
by Dennis Coates | May 15, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Parenting
Most parents think of their child as “officially” an adolescent when they technically become a teenager on their 13th birthday. And they think their project of raising the child to adulthood is pretty much over after high school, when most of these young...
by Dennis Coates | May 13, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Education, Teen Success
When I was in high school, I got an A in every subject I ever took. I didn’t find out until later that I hadn’t learned as much as I thought. But man, I knew how to make A’s! My dad was in the military, so I knew all about West Point. For years I wanted to go to...
by Dennis Coates | May 13, 2015 | Parenting, Parenting Books
This is a unique book on parenting. Chris Efessiou, a highly successful entrepreneur and executive, believes that the personal strengths and interpersonal skills essential to effective leadership also apply to being an effective parent. I’ve always believed...
by Dennis Coates | May 13, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Drugs, Teen Culture
A new study has concluded that teenagers who smoke pot suffer a significant drop in IQ that persists even if they stop smoking it later in life. The article doesn’t explain why, except for this statement by lead researcher Madeline Meier of Duke University:...
by Dennis Coates | May 12, 2015 | Adolescence, Education, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Videos, Teen Sex
For the past few years, I’ve been interviewing adults about their adolescent experiences. I always ask, “What did your parents tell you about sex?” Ninety-five percent of the time the answer is, “Nothing.” I remember the one and only time...
by Dennis Coates | May 12, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking, Programs, Teen Success
If you’ve followed my blog, you know I often write about adolescence as the sensitive time of life during which a child’s prefrontal cortex can be wired for basic critical thinking skills. The window of opportunity opens at puberty and closes sometime in...
by Dennis Coates | May 12, 2015 | Adolescence, Education, Parent-child Communication
The sound of the front door shutting announced that Ricardo was home from practice. His dad met him in the hallway. “How was it today?” “It was okay. We did a lot of conditioning drills and I’m beat.” “Good stuff. I’ll bet...
by Dennis Coates | May 12, 2015 | Adolescence, Mentoring, Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Peer Pressure, Self-Esteem
For many young people, low self-esteem comes with the territory. They don’t want to be thought of as children anymore, but they know they’re not adults. They lack the knowledge, skills, judgment, experience, resources, authority, confidence and maturity...
by Dennis Coates | May 11, 2015 | Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Parenting Books
Over the decades, a lot of bad advice for parents has been published. Strategies such as false praise, helicopter parenting and permissiveness may have played to parents’ fears of losing the love of their child, but the consequences have been horrendous. After...
by Dennis Coates | May 11, 2015 | Critical Thinking, Education, Parenting Books, Personal Strength, Teen Success
It’s amazing what you see when you step outside the box. I’ve been focusing on the special challenge of raising teenagers for several years now, and I’ve been outside the box the whole time. Inside the box, you understand that you need to sacrifice...
by Dennis Coates | May 11, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Critical Thinking
I consider myself a serious thinker. But to be honest, I’m not an intellectual. I’m biased towards action. I have a Ph.D., but 95% of what I know today I learned on my own after earning that degree. So seemingly my head is full of knowledge. Some people...
by Dennis Coates | May 11, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Parenting, Teen Suicide
Not long ago I was sitting at a table drinking coffee and talking with Johann Eyfells, the world-famous Icelandic sculptor. At some point, I used the word “luck.” He quickly seized on the word. “Luck. What is luck?” From a man who has been on...
by Dennis Coates | May 11, 2015 | Adolescence, Education, Teen Success
For over 30 years my work has been focused on adult personal development – personal strengths and people skills. My company, Performance Support Systems, has published some award-winning internationally recognized assessment and development systems, all brain...
by Dennis Coates | May 1, 2015 | Adolescence, Behavior Change, Parenting, Teen Success, Work
Jennifer was a clerk at an auto parts store in Vista Hills. She got the job because Jackson, her husband, was a mechanic at the Chevrolet dealership and was friends with the owner. But she, like her husband, was a hard worker and added a lot more value than was...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 15, 2015 | Adolescence, Mentoring, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books
For quite a while now, I’ve been involved in an anecdotal research project in which I interview adults about their experiences as teenagers. This effort has taught me a lot about what I call “the teen journey.” One day while visiting one of my best...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 15, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Education, Parenting
Most mornings it’s still dark when I leave my driveway to head to the gym. Often during the school year as I pass a certain intersection, I see a car with its headlights on parked by the side of the road. It’s a parent – a caring, protective parent...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 12, 2015 | Adolescent Brain, Education, Parenting
I have a friend whose dad had a personal library of several thousand books. When my friend was about ten years old, his dad enrolled him in a speed-reading course. Soon afterward, he began reading the classics of world literature. One great book at a time, he became a...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 12, 2015 | Parent-child Communication, Parenting, Personal Strength
Many parents think that when you forgive a young person, you’re doing something for the child. Yes, your child may regret doing something that hurt your feelings and may have asked for forgiveness. And indeed, telling the child that you forgive may give some...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 12, 2015 | Adolescence, Parenting Books, Peer Pressure, Self-Esteem
Teens are famous for doing wild and crazy things without thinking about the consequences. I shudder when I remember some of my own antics as a teenager. Of course one of the reasons for this behavior is that they’re experimenting and exploring their independence...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 10, 2015 | Adolescence, Parenting, Programs
A successful, happy life. I guess everybody knows it takes more than than money and beauty. Just ask Bernie Madoff. And guess what…It also takes a lot more than a good education and business know-how. I try to stress this point with parents. Yes, kids need a...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 10, 2015 | Adolescence, Parent-child Communication, Parenting Books, Teen Sex
The book Conversations with the Wise Aunt has a chapter entitled “A Nice Way to Say No,” in which Aunt Maria explains to her niece, Trisha, how boys are different from girls when it comes to attitudes about sex. This brief excerpt is about how a teenage...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 9, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Rebellion
A few years ago, I had a reunion with some old high school buddies that I hadn’t seen in nearly 50 years. It was an amazing experience and a lot of fun. But I remember one comment my old friend Brian made about me: “Coates, you were always up to something. I...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 8, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Mentoring, Parent-child Communication
I’m just guessing, but it may be true that no teenager in the long history of planet Earth has ever been given “the brain talk,” even though it’s probably some of the most important information a teen can have. Nevertheless, imagine a young...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 8, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Alcohol, Parent-child Communication, Parenting
Adolescence is a perilous time. This is the period from about age 10 until the early 20s when the prefrontal cortex is going through the critical “use it or lose it” blossoming and pruning process on the way to establishing an individual’s foundation...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 7, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Parenting, Parenting Books, Rebellion
Do you have a teenager in your life? I ask this question a lot these days, because a young person’s developmental experience during the dozen or so years called adolescence has become my passionate interest. I feel fortunate that my life has brought me to my...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 7, 2015 | Adolescence, Alcohol, Rebellion
A friend once told me a story about his older brother. My friend was a top student and multi-sport athlete in high school, and he eventually got a football scholarship and later had a successful career as an executive. His drive to achieve in class and in sports kept...
by Dennis Coates | Apr 7, 2015 | Parenting, Strong for Parenting
Raising a child is hard. We’d like to believe that all you need to do is appreciate the miracle of the child and reach out with love at every moment. But of course, there’s so much more to it than that. Parenting skills. Being strong when things go south....
by Dennis Coates | Apr 7, 2015 | Adolescence, Adolescent Brain, Mentoring, Parent-child Communication
The human brain has a unique way of developing itself. A child’s brain develops in phases. During each phase, the basic foundation for a particular brain function – such as visual perception, walking, or talking – is “wired.” The human...
