If you found out your teen daughter was experiencing pressure from the cool kids to “hook up” with boys, would you encourage her to go along in order to be…
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I’ve lived long enough to be aware of the sometimes remarkable paths that lives take. When I was a West Point cadet, my activities and achievements were quite a bit…
Helping an adolescent child grow up to be a happy, successful, and independent adult has never been easy. Try doing it without a spouse. Or both parents having to work…
I once had a conversation with an intelligent woman about the value of team sports. She said emphatically that the idea that team sports promoted teen development was utter nonsense…
For years now, instead of saying “Drive safely!” when people I care about are getting into their cars, I tell them, “Watch out for the crazies!” I know, it sounds…
In another post about teen driving, I made this recommendation: The key is for your prospective young driver to prove that he or she is responsible enough for you to…
Getting a driver license is a rite of passage. Because of the way a vehicle empowers independence and how the license amounts to a badge of maturity, many teens look…
I know several parents whose child is fast approaching adolescence. Even raising a sweet child can be difficult in many ways, but after puberty the challenges change. Middle school-aged children…
Imagine this scenario… A well-rounded, accomplished teen boy raised in a wholesome, supportive family is asked by a girl he believes is romantically interested in him, a stranger he met…
A friend once told me a story about his older brother. My friend was a top student and multi-sport athlete in high school, and he eventually got a football scholarship…
I saw something striking while shopping for groceries the other day. A young boy, about 13 years old, was walking just ahead of his parents. No, not walking. Sort of…
What does it mean to be a parent? Every spring, a pair of swallows arrives at our front porch to update their nest and nurture offspring. A month or so…
I recently had breakfast with some friends who have a graduating high school senior. He’s a great kid who wants to be a speech therapist and has been accepted into…
With a new documentary, the “Lorena Bobbitt story” is in the media again. Do you remember her – the woman who, almost 30 years ago, was raped by her husband;…
In my new book, How Your Teen Can Grow a Smarter Brain, I explain that adolescence is a sensitive time window for developing foundation thinking skills in the prefrontal cortex…
I recently had a conversation with a local physician. Happily, we didn’t talk about my health. Instead, he spoke enthusiastically about his three children, two boys and a girl, all…
Should you give advice? The answer is the same whether you’re relating to another adult or to a teenager. One of my friends has an interesting idiosyncrasy. Whenever we talk,…
As you may have heard, my new book, How Your Teen Can Grow a Smarter Brain, is now available on Amazon. Several people have commented on the title, that “growing…
First, a new word: “esports.” Makes you think that playing video games is a legitimate sport, something like poker, which is featured on ESPN and in the sports sections of…
In my posts, “Video Game Addiction and Brain Damage” and “Teen Smartphones and Social Networking – Buyer Beware” I described potential threats to normal teen brain development. If you read these…
My doctor asked me if I drink alcohol. I told her I usually have a glass of red wine with dinner and another glass later. She said, “That’s probably OK….
One of the underlying themes of my writing is that parents of teens need to be realistic. But being realistic doesn’t necessarily imply some kind of worst-case scenario. Because realistically,…
After puberty, every normal child will develop the ability to procreate, which includes this necessary element: sexual desire. This is a good thing for the young person and the human…
“Every year, teens are asked about their general happiness, in addition to how they spend their time. We found that teens who spent more time seeing their friends in person,…
During the first 12 years, you may have enjoyed a close, affectionate relationship with your child. But after puberty, things change. Your child wants to put early childhood in the past, and…
As I write this, it seems as if the news reports a new story of high-profile sexual misconduct every day. A few days ago, a story of over 180 sexual…
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I love this quote. For me, this plea for compassion hits home more than any other quote on the…
It’s true that when you came into this world, most of your situation was beyond your control. You didn’t get to choose the time in history you would appear or…
About the teen brain, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news. Nearly every adult I talk to these days has heard about the teen brain. Fifteen…
What is self-esteem, anyway? Why is it important to a growing child? Why does it turn out to be a tough issue? What can parents do to nurture stronger self-esteem?…
How much wisdom did you have when you were 13? What did you know? More to the point, what insights about life – which could have helped you a lot…
Smartphones are an amazing window into a world of countless marvels and dangers. Since kids have a lot to learn, giving a child a smartphone needs to be done with exquisite…
If you read my post about the mixed bag of wonders/dangers of smartphones and social networking, your eyes are wide open about pornography, cyberbullying, stranger danger, sexual predators, identity theft,…
Today, most phone calls are made using wireless smartphones, relayed by Wi-Fi devices in your home or distant radio towers. What we used to call telephones are now called landlines,…
If you’ve read about the teen brain, you know it’s mostly about a child’s final stage of brain development, during which the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is wired for foundation critical…
When it comes to sex education, parents need to learn more about how our culture sexualizes their kids. This guest post, which addresses this “blind spot,” comes from Elizabeth McDade-Montez,…
In the adult world, dating is like an audition. An acquaintance asks you out to dinner or an event, which will give you time together to learn more about each…
Why would a teenager do something as stupid as engaging in one of the teen challenges, such as binge-drinking, or swallowing a spoonful of cinnamon, or snorting a condom. Quite…
One evening when I was 14, I was sitting on my bed reading a novel when my mom walked past my door. Then she came back, stood in the door,…
The surveys and statistics bear it out: teens are misusing drugs and alcohol at younger and younger ages. Parents are often unaware that it’s begun, since the warning signs can…
Disconnected, a new book by Thomas Kersting, documents the horrible effects of excessive screen time on children. One of the most insidious technologies is video games, because of its ability to…
If you read news articles, you know that it’s not uncommon to read about murder. I learn about such incidents all too often; I reflect on the loss of life,…
Doctors routinely warn women to avoid smoking and using alcohol or drugs during pregnancy. Why? Because the unborn child’s body and brain are slowly developing, and the mother’s blood provides…
This guest post comes from Mercedes Samudio, LCSW, a parent coach who helps parents achieve dynamic parent/child relationships, ending the shame around parenting and giving parents the confidence to raise healthy…
I learned to never disagree with my dad. For reasons I’ve never fully understood, the few times that I expressed a contrary point of view — when I was old…
Since the 1990’s, when Dr. Jay Giedd and his colleagues at the National Institute for Mental Health published their pioneering research about adolescent brain development, more than a dozen authors…
It was the summer of 1960, and I was 15. Elvis’ active duty service in the Army was behind him, and John Kennedy was running for President. My father, a…
When teens abuse any kind of drug – legal or illegal, prescription or OTC – it can disrupt ongoing brain development in the prefrontal cortex, with lifelong consequences. This guest post comes from…
In a separate post, I quoted Dr. Jay Giedd, the pioneering brain researcher who discovered that the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is still under development during a child’s adolescence, that this is…
The second 10 years of a child’s life is their last opportunity to prepare for the challenges of adult life. This guest post was written by Elisabeth Stitt, a parenting expert…
Epictetus (c. 55 – 135) was born a slave in Turkey nearly 2,000 years ago and then lived in Rome until he was banished to Greece. He was one of…
I have a 15-year-old nephew. The last time I saw him he was doing what most kids his age are doing: sitting on a couch browsing his smartphone. At the…
I’ve written extensively about the development of the prefrontal cortex (PFC) during adolescence. At puberty, a child’s PFC undergoes a “second blooming,” which begins a roughly 12-year period of development….
Out of love, many parents hover over their kids to protect them from distress or harm, to make sure they feel good about themselves and to assure they are launched…
The idea that your child could be abusing alcohol or illegal drugs is scary enough. In fact, you also need to be aware that he or she could be abusing the over-the-counter…
How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success (Holt, 2015), by Julie Lythcott-Haims, is the best book ever written about the…
I’ve posted before about the importance of critical thinking and the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a young person to lay down a foundation of critical thinking skills in the developing prefrontal cortex…
On the occasion of my 50th class reunion, I remembered some of my West Point classmates. One in particular, I’ll call him Joey Sheed, graduated near the top of our…
Do you have a teenager who sometimes looks to the future and wonders how he or she is going to make it in the world? If you do, count your blessings….
I was fortunate to have two parents while growing up: a father and a mother who loved me. They were good people. They did everything they knew how to take…
Dad lets his son borrow the car. “Be sure to have it back by six. I’ve got an important place to be tonight.” “No problem, Dad.” Six o’clock comes and…
In his classic parenting book, The Wonder of Boys, psychologist Michael Gurian claims that “three families – not one” are needed to raise a healthy child to be a happy,…
During the first few months of life, parents show lots of colorful, noise-making objects to their infant. Slowly, the baby learns to pay attention. The child is doing the work to program the neural…
This guest post is authored by Kristine Tye, M.A. MFT, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California who specializes in anxiety treatment and teen mental health. She engages teens in a…
Adults care a great deal about the youth in their communities. They want fewer kids to be at risk. They want more kids growing up to be strong, happy, successful…
This guest post comes from parent coach Fern Weis. After teaching middle school for 13 years, she trained as a life coach and founded her business, Your Family Matters, in 2008. Since…
I often mention that teenagers have a “full plate.” The demands on their time can be stress-producing, even overwhelming. Part of the reason for this is that to arrive at…
The father lets his son borrow the car. “Be sure to have it back by six. I’ll need it later tonight.” “No problem, Dad.” Six o’clock comes and goes. With no…
Most of the 50 million parents of school-aged children in the U.S. are all too aware of the gauntlet of dangers that threaten when a child becomes an adolescent: under-age smoking…
When they’re little you read to them, hoping they’ll learn to love books and reading and learning. Before you know it they’re in school, beginning a learning journey that will…
Teenagers know they’re growing up, and they don’t like being treated like little kids. They need the wisdom and guidance of parents and other adults. But they hate lectures, sarcasm,…
What will the next step be? College? A job? Technical training? A gap year? Missionary work? Military service? Marriage and a family? Every parent who has raised a teenager to…
This guest post comes from Elisabeth Stitt of Joyful Parenting Coaching. A veteran teacher turned parenting coach and blogger, she knows that kids and families come in all different shapes…
Forty years ago, I was in graduate school at Duke University, in over my head, studying hard and learning as much as I could to catch up with my better-prepared classmates. It paid…
To be the best listener you can be, I believe you need two, closely related skills: active listening and empathy. I learned active listening in 1976, and I’ve been practicing…
As we prepared to go the gym for our morning workout, my wife discovered that she had misplaced her car keys. We searched for ten minutes and finally found them…
It’s been said many, many times that parenting a teenager may be the hardest thing you ever do. It can sometimes seem like a thankless, hopeless endeavor. You have your…
You may have heard it said that “Few people are good listeners.” While this may ring true, I know you’d like to be a better listener for your teen. The benefits…
These days, parents hear a lot about the “teen brain” in the popular media. The message is that the “prefrontal cortex” (PFC), the area of the brain in charge of…
In another article, I made the point that to prepare for the significant challenges of adult life, a child has to learn a lot more than what is taught in school….
In this piece, I reference an interesting video. Even though you may find it shocking, watch it all the way through. Don’t click off just because you think it’s disgusting….
Studying well in school is important. Those 12 years – and university – are important. But along the way, a young person needs to learn many non-academic skills and strengths that are…
A teenager made a dumb mistake and damaged a tool. His father, angry, shouted at him about carelessness and irresponsibility. No love, understanding or respect was communicated in the heated…
In my book, How Your Teen Can Grow a Smarter Brain, I describe as simply as possible something of utmost importance: the part of the brain that makes a human…
IF (1) you have an adolescent child or one who is soon to reach puberty, and (2) you’re a conscious parent who is looking for wisdom and guidance to avoid the…
I’m recalling a moderately adverse experience that started with a phone call. My wife was about to return home from a shopping excursion at a mall about 30 miles away when…
Kids can learn a lot from experience. But that doesn’t mean they will, just because something happened to them. Most of the time young people go from one life event to another without learning…
In 2014 a huge tornado devastated a small town in Oklahoma, killing 24 people. Stories and images of the destruction were all over the Internet, the newspapers and television news. The…
Listening is the most powerful skill a parent can have. It has the potential to “change the game” with regard to your relationship with your child. In my writing about this…
Often when I write about adolescence, I make reference to a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. To help you appreciate where that part of the brain is…
I accidentally help wire my boys’ teen brain for critical thinking. It was Christmas 1982, and like all parents at the time, I knew nothing about the teen brain. But…
Between Parent & Teenager (1967), by Dr. Haim G. Ginott, was published before many of today’s parents of teenagers were born. Ginott, who has been dead for forty years, was…
Helicopter parenting has been the focus of quite a few articles in the media. Parents over-praising their kids because they feel it promotes self-esteem, even though in the long run…
Have you seen the movie, “Lonesome Jim” (2005)? Starring Casey Affleck and Liv Tyler, it’s the story of a man in his late twenties who, after failing to create a…
I once coached a 43-year-old man who lived at home and had never worked a day in his life. At the time, interest rates had fallen to all-time lows, so…
I’ve written two books, Conversations with the Wise Uncle (for boys) and Conversations with the Wise Aunt (for girls) that are fictional accounts about an older relative mentoring a young person during the teen…
When Leo was growing up, his father rented a farm and worked it to raise crops. His dad needed his son’s help, so he taught the boy how to use…
Drinking alcohol with the expressed purpose of getting “messed up”? Believe it or not, this is an activity practiced mostly by kids. Watch this brief video… What can a parent…
A few years ago my wife and I were doing some recreational house-hunting. While viewing a beautiful home, she commented, “I like this house but we’d need to replace all the…
Father: “Hey, son. I thought I asked you to clean and put away the tools after you use them.” Son: “Oh. Right.” Father: “Well, the tools you used last night…
Most parents think of their child as “officially” an adolescent when they technically become a teenager on their 13th birthday. And they think their project of raising the child to…
A new study has concluded that teenagers who smoke pot suffer a significant drop in IQ that persists even if they stop smoking it later in life. The article doesn’t…
For the past few years, I’ve been interviewing adults about their adolescent experiences. I always ask, “What did your parents tell you about sex?” Ninety-five percent of the time the…
The sound of the front door shutting announced that Ricardo was home from practice. His dad met him in the hallway. “How was it today?” “It was okay. We did…
For many young people, low self-esteem comes with the territory. They don’t want to be thought of as children anymore, but they know they’re not adults. They lack the knowledge,…
Not long ago I was sitting at a table drinking coffee and talking with Johann Eyfells, the world-famous Icelandic sculptor. At some point, I used the word “luck.” He quickly…
Jennifer was a clerk at an auto parts store in Vista Hills. She got the job because Jackson, her husband, was a mechanic at the Chevrolet dealership and was friends…
For quite a while now, I’ve been involved in an anecdotal research project in which I interview adults about their experiences as teenagers. This effort has taught me a lot…
Teens are famous for doing wild and crazy things without thinking about the consequences. I shudder when I remember some of my own antics as a teenager. Of course one…
A successful, happy life. I guess everybody knows it takes more than than money and beauty. Just ask Bernie Madoff. And guess what…It also takes a lot more than a…
The book Conversations with the Wise Aunt has a chapter entitled “A Nice Way to Say No,” in which Aunt Maria explains to her niece, Trisha, how boys are different…
A few years ago, I had a reunion with some old high school buddies that I hadn’t seen in nearly 50 years. It was an amazing experience and a lot…
I’m just guessing, but it may be true that no teenager in the long history of planet Earth has ever been given “the brain talk,” even though it’s probably some…
Adolescence is a perilous time. This is the period from about age 10 until the early 20s when the prefrontal cortex is going through the critical “use it or lose…
Do you have a teenager in your life? I ask this question a lot these days, because a young person’s developmental experience during the dozen or so years called adolescence…
The human brain has a unique way of developing itself. A child’s brain develops in phases. During each phase, the basic foundation for a particular brain function – such as visual perception,…