In many ways, I’m thrilled to put 2020 in my rear-view mirror. The awful Covid-19 pandemic, managed awfully by our nation’s leaders. The result: tens of millions of Americans sickened,…
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As I write this, the Covid-19 coronavirus in the U.S. has been killing about 3,000 people every day. I know several people who have become infected. A member of my…
The human species, like all other species, exists because of its ability to reproduce. During the fertile years, men and women feel the urge to engage in sexual union, which…
Even though kids are a work-in-progress, their current knowledge, skills, values, attitudes and motivation can lead to more learning and achievement. They may also bring a unique set of core…
Communicating well is a foundation element of effective parenting. How can you be a parent to your child without communicating? Whenever there are problems between parent and child, ineffective communication…
If your child should receive a request for a nude pic, how do you think they would react? You’d be surprised how many young people would laugh and consider it…
ADULTING: “The practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.” I borrowed this excellent definition from an online search;…
“There’s nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.” – Buckminster Fuller This quote made me think of my West Point class. Before I arrived there,…
It seems like yesterday when I published Conversations with the Wise Uncle: The Secret to Being Strong as a Teenager and Preparing for Success as an Adult (First Summit, 2012). Eight…
It’s often said that experience is the best teacher and that the value of mistakes is that you can learn from them. There’s a lot of wisdom in this. It’s…
A young father was telling me about his two children, a seven-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy. “My daughter is an angel, but my little boy is a terror. He…
With every choice, there is a consequence. And the situation of that consequence sets up another choice. One choice after another, we create our life paths and become who we…
On a clear day Rise and look around you, And you’ll see who you are. On a clear day How it will astound you That the glow of your being…
It’s hard enough managing everything in a life – home, meals, bills, etc. Add to that being exhausted from a stressful job or raising kids. Or both! And further, add…
As I was coaching a twelve-year-old girl, I concluded with this summary: “In the future, some of your friends will want you to conform, so you’ll need to stand up…
Getting a driver license is a rite of passage. Because of the way a vehicle empowers independence and how the license amounts to a badge of maturity, many teens look…
This weekend we’re headed to Corpus Christie to celebrate our niece’s wedding. Since our go-to cat sitter isn’t available, we found a 15-year-old young man who wanted the job. He…
Young girls want to be pretty. They believe it will help make them popular and well-liked, and therefore be included in the fun and excitement with friends. And they’re probably…
Both my sons are 50 years old (plus or minus), have successful careers in IT, and in many ways are smarter than I am. They certainly do make more money…
I know several parents whose child is fast approaching adolescence. Even raising a sweet child can be difficult in many ways, but after puberty the challenges change. Middle school-aged children…
My book, How Your Teen Can Grow a Smarter Brain, and most of the hundreds of articles on this blog, address how to encourage, support and coach a young person…
Imagine this scenario… A well-rounded, accomplished teen boy raised in a wholesome, supportive family is asked by a girl he believes is romantically interested in him, a stranger he met…
Not long ago, I had a conversation with a local physician. Happily, we didn’t talk about my health. Instead, he spoke enthusiastically about his three children, two boys and a…
With a new documentary, the “Lorena Bobbitt story” is in the media again. Do you remember her – the woman who, almost 30 years ago, was raped by her husband;…
Every parent I’ve ever met hopes their teen will grow up to be a capable, successful adult, even though we all have seen instances of the opposite. Realistically, wonderful things…
It happens on a regular basis. Someone you know – a friend, a spouse, a child, a co-worker – will come to you frustrated because he’s having problems. If you’re…
People sometimes ask me, “What’s your favorite book about parenting?” It’s a good question, because there are hundreds of parenting books to choose from. But for me, it’s not a…
Should you give advice? The answer is the same whether you’re relating to another adult or to a teenager. One of my friends has an interesting idiosyncrasy. Whenever we talk,…
One of the underlying themes of my writing is that parents of teens need to be realistic. But being realistic doesn’t necessarily imply some kind of worst-case scenario. Because realistically,…
Billions of human beings follow their separate paths, steps followed by steps largely unknown to the people around them – even friends and acquaintances. This limited ability to know for sure…
After puberty, every normal child will develop the ability to procreate, which includes this necessary element: sexual desire. This is a good thing for the young person and the human…
During the first 12 years, you may have enjoyed a close, affectionate relationship with your child. But after puberty, things change. Your child wants to put early childhood in the past, and…
As I write this, it seems as if the news reports a new story of high-profile sexual misconduct every day. A few days ago, a story of over 180 sexual…
The past, the present, and the future. Here are some things to keep in mind. The past doesn’t exist. Once you’ve experienced something, that moment is lost forever, except as…
What is self-esteem, anyway? Why is it important to a growing child? Why does it turn out to be a tough issue? What can parents do to nurture stronger self-esteem?…
How much wisdom did you have when you were 13? What did you know? More to the point, what insights about life – which could have helped you a lot…
Smartphones are an amazing window into a world of countless marvels and dangers. Since kids have a lot to learn, giving a child a smartphone needs to be done with exquisite…
Today, most phone calls are made using wireless smartphones, relayed by Wi-Fi devices in your home or distant radio towers. What we used to call telephones are now called landlines,…
You see those beautiful eyes and that heart-melting smile. What you don’t see (and probably rarely think about) is what’s going on in your child’s brain, which is steadily growing,…
When I was a kid there were no parenting books, unless you want to count Dr. Benjamin Spock’s classic on baby and child care. Parents were guided by their instincts,…
Parenting Fundamentals 1-5 were presented in Part One. Here are 6-10: 6. Help your child build a strong work ethic. When I was 15 I mowed my aunt’s lawn with…
A few years ago I wrote a book for middle school boys, called Conversations with the Wise Uncle. I then wrote a similar book for young girls. My purpose was…
In the adult world, dating is like an audition. An acquaintance asks you out to dinner or an event, which will give you time together to learn more about each…
One evening when I was 14, I was sitting on my bed reading a novel when my mom walked past my door. Then she came back, stood in the door,…
Once upon a time, when my youngest boy was about 18 years old, we were walking together and he asked me, “Dad, what does masculinity mean to you?” A loaded…
I learned to never disagree with my dad. For reasons I’ve never fully understood, the few times that I expressed a contrary point of view — when I was old…
When teens abuse any kind of drug – legal or illegal, prescription or OTC – it can disrupt ongoing brain development in the prefrontal cortex, with lifelong consequences. This guest post comes from…
Abraham J. Weiss, MA. is a marriage and family therapist on the staff of Family Enhancement LLC, in New York City. In this brief article, he shares a vastly important…
My wife and I often go to Corpus Christi to visit her sister and husband. Since their son now has a young daughter and their oldest daughter has two daughters…
Epictetus (c. 55 – 135) was born a slave in Turkey nearly 2,000 years ago and then lived in Rome until he was banished to Greece. He was one of…
Is your child resilient? Do you want your child to be more resilient? A non-scientific definition: Resilience is the ability to recover or “bounce back” from loss, stress, or disappointment…
Mindful – an often-used word. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it means “aware of something that may be important.” Aware – feel or experience something Something that may be important….
I’ve posted before about the importance of critical thinking and the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a young person to lay down a foundation of critical thinking skills in the developing prefrontal cortex…
When you were in high school, did you take that Parent-Child Relationship Skills course? I’m sorry – trick question. No such course has ever been included in a high school curriculum. Well,…
Dad lets his son borrow the car. “Be sure to have it back by six. I’ve got an important place to be tonight.” “No problem, Dad.” Six o’clock comes and…
What every parent knows: unconditional love is the foundation. But child misbehavior can temporarily make it hard to access this love, much less express it. In its place, your instinctive negative reaction: frustration, fatigue,…
In his classic parenting book, The Wonder of Boys, psychologist Michael Gurian claims that “three families – not one” are needed to raise a healthy child to be a happy,…
Adults care a great deal about the youth in their communities. They want fewer kids to be at risk. They want more kids growing up to be strong, happy, successful…
Conscious, caring parents often realize they can get better results by trying more effective approaches. But it’s not that simple. Inevitably, most people get discouraged when they try to improve…
Deborah Gilboa, MD, is a family physician practicing in Pittsburgh, PA, author of four parenting books, featured parenting expert on television and Huffington Post, speaker, and mother of four boys. She…
When was the last time you were at odds with your teen? Your child wanted to do something that you considered unacceptable. You both felt justified, producing an argument or struggle that had the…
This guest post comes from Deborah Gilboa, MD (popularly known as Dr. G), an internationally renowned parenting and youth development expert. She is also a family physician and mom of…
When they’re little you read to them, hoping they’ll learn to love books and reading and learning. Before you know it they’re in school, beginning a learning journey that will…
Teenagers know they’re growing up, and they don’t like being treated like little kids. They need the wisdom and guidance of parents and other adults. But they hate lectures, sarcasm,…
To be the best listener you can be, I believe you need two, closely related skills: active listening and empathy. I learned active listening in 1976, and I’ve been practicing…
You may have heard it said that “Few people are good listeners.” While this may ring true, I know you’d like to be a better listener for your teen. The benefits…
These days, parents hear a lot about the “teen brain” in the popular media. The message is that the “prefrontal cortex” (PFC), the area of the brain in charge of…
In another article, I made the point that to prepare for the significant challenges of adult life, a child has to learn a lot more than what is taught in school….
Compliments. Praise. Recognition. Affirmation. Gratitude. Appreciation. Positive feedback. Positive strokes. Pats on the back. Constructive feedback. Good stuff! Unfortunately, most of the feedback we give our kids is negative. You…
Thanks to Maureen Denard at FindaNanny.net for this guest post. The adolescent years can stress a parent-child relationship. This article has several practical ideas for helping the bond to grow…
A teenager made a dumb mistake and damaged a tool. His father, angry, shouted at him about carelessness and irresponsibility. No love, understanding or respect was communicated in the heated…
In my book, How Your Teen Can Grow a Smarter Brain, I describe as simply as possible something of utmost importance: the part of the brain that makes a human…
Special guest post by Winter Amity, freelance writer on technology and parenting topics. These days, children are exposed to a huge variety of media, and parents can get understandably upset…
Self-esteem is how people see themselves – their perception of self-worth, who they believe they are. Low self-esteem can build from making mistakes, from not forgiving oneself, and from too…
Kids can learn a lot from experience. But that doesn’t mean they will, just because something happened to them. Most of the time young people go from one life event to another without learning…
Listening is the most powerful skill a parent can have. It has the potential to “change the game” with regard to your relationship with your child. In my writing about this…
Between Parent & Teenager (1967), by Dr. Haim G. Ginott, was published before many of today’s parents of teenagers were born. Ginott, who has been dead for forty years, was…
Every time a teenager tries to figure out why something happened, tries to understand the relationship between thing A and thing B, tries to see the connection between cause and…
I’ve written two books, Conversations with the Wise Uncle (for boys) and Conversations with the Wise Aunt (for girls) that are fictional accounts about an older relative mentoring a young person during the teen…
Drinking alcohol with the expressed purpose of getting “messed up”? Believe it or not, this is an activity practiced mostly by kids. Watch this brief video… What can a parent…
A few years ago my wife and I were doing some recreational house-hunting. While viewing a beautiful home, she commented, “I like this house but we’d need to replace all the…
Father: “Hey, son. I thought I asked you to clean and put away the tools after you use them.” Son: “Oh. Right.” Father: “Well, the tools you used last night…
For the past few years, I’ve been interviewing adults about their adolescent experiences. I always ask, “What did your parents tell you about sex?” Ninety-five percent of the time the…
The sound of the front door shutting announced that Ricardo was home from practice. His dad met him in the hallway. “How was it today?” “It was okay. We did…
For many young people, low self-esteem comes with the territory. They don’t want to be thought of as children anymore, but they know they’re not adults. They lack the knowledge,…
Over the decades, a lot of bad advice for parents has been published. Strategies such as false praise, helicopter parenting and permissiveness may have played to parents’ fears of losing…
For quite a while now, I’ve been involved in an anecdotal research project in which I interview adults about their experiences as teenagers. This effort has taught me a lot…
Many parents think that when you forgive a young person, you’re doing something for the child. Yes, your child may regret doing something that hurt your feelings and may have…
The book Conversations with the Wise Aunt has a chapter entitled “A Nice Way to Say No,” in which Aunt Maria explains to her niece, Trisha, how boys are different…
I’m just guessing, but it may be true that no teenager in the long history of planet Earth has ever been given “the brain talk,” even though it’s probably some…
Adolescence is a perilous time. This is the period from about age 10 until the early 20s when the prefrontal cortex is going through the critical “use it or lose…
The human brain has a unique way of developing itself. A child’s brain develops in phases. During each phase, the basic foundation for a particular brain function – such as visual perception,…