Fact: If you haven’t nurtured a loving, trusting relationship with your child, they won’t be open to your guidance.
And they need a lot of guidance. During the first 20 years of life, they have a lot of growing up to do as they avoid the pitfalls of adolescence and prepare for life on their own as an adult: life skills, learning skills, thinking skills, relationship skills, character strengths, values, attitudes, knowledge, wisdom, interests, and ambitions. It’s a lot, and they acquire only a small fraction of these keys to success in school.
You can help them. They need you to help them. But will they seek and accept your guidance? Typically, the bond is strong during early childhood, but often it weakens during the difficult years of adolescence.
The secret, of course, is consistent unconditional love combeined with effective parent-child communication. There are counterproductive ways of communicating with your child, ways of interaclting that push them away, especially after puberty.
In my how-to book, Connect with Your Kid, I describe the ten highest-impact communication skills: listening, asking open-ended questions, appreciating, dialogue, resolving conflict, and more. Done well, these ways of communicating have a magical effect. These are skills any parent can acquire and improve. Your relationship with your child is worth the effort, so they stay open to your efforts to guide them.
